
January
21, 2000
Eulogy
for musician Josh Clayton-Felt
My
wife will tell you that I have to really, really love
someone to put on a suit and tie for them.
I have a confession to make to Josh's family. I made
him swear not to tell you this, but now I'm going to
spill the beans myself.
I
first met Josh in '86 or '87. He was eight years younger
than I but I liked him right away and we became friends
immediately. Around that time, he went to work for me.
I was working on my Lenny
Bruce documentary and he was running errands for
me. I paid him five dollars an hour and he would bring
back lunch and go to the bank or go to get copies or
whatever.
At one point, he announced he was going to Brown University
and he told me he was very conflicted about it. He wasn't
certain whether he should take the standard route and
continue his education or stay in L.A. and pursue his
dream of creating music. We talked a lot about that
and I told him that I, in fact, had never finished college
and he said, "Really?" I said, "Yeah, I went for a few
semesters but then left to pursue my dream of being
a filmmaker."
Anyway, he did go to Brown, but a few months later
there was a knock on my office door and there was Josh.
I said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were
at Brown." He said, "I took your advice." I said, "Advice?
What advice??" He said, "I left college to pursue my
dream as a musician." I said, "Hey, wait a minute! I
never told you to do that! I only said that's what I
did! I'm barely making a living! Why do you think I
was only paying you $5 an hour?"
So, thirteen years later, I figure the statute of limitations
is up and I can confess that to his parents. And anyway,
all's well that ends well.
I
want to tell you that Josh and I lost a mutual friend
a couple of years ago -- Lotus
Weinstock, who was Lili Haydn's mother. (Lili played
violin at the funeral.) Josh and I were both present
when this was going on and as sad as it was, there was
something very beautiful about those final days and
final moments and in the days following her passing.
Josh and I even sat Shiva, if you can believe it. It
made us both feel more connected with our Judaism. But
it inspired us to talk a lot about what happens when
we pass from this world to the next and how we felt
about it. And I can tell you this... Josh didn't fear
death. We both agreed that the main thing was to know
towards the end that you were surrounded by family and
friends and loved ones and to have them around in the
final days. And Josh had that in spades. He got his
wish.
I don't pretend to know what happens when we leave
this world, but I have a guess. I think that for a while
we do float around a bit to make sure everyone's okay.
And of course, we all know how important it was for
Josh to make everyone feel okay. And I do believe Josh
is here with us. (I think he's embarrassed by all the
flowery speeches, but I do think he's here.) And if
I may be so presumptuous, I think I'll guess what he'd
like to say to us. I think he wants to tell us that
it's okay to grieve and cry because he knows we're going
to miss him. But he wants us to know that we don't have
to grieve on his account. He's telling us, "I'm fine.
I'm in a groovy place." (See, that proves it's Josh
talking because I would never use a word like, "groovy.")
I think he's telling us that we now have to get on with
the business of taking care of each other.
And I want to let Josh know that we will miss him,
but we will be okay, so he can rest easy. I also want
to tell him that I'm going to miss those late-night
conversations, usually in restaurants, where one moment
we'd be talking about the meaning of life and the nature
of love, and the next moment laughing so hard we were
afraid of being kicked out of the joint.
I want to say one last word about Josh's legacy. I'm
going to ask you three questions. You don't have to
physically raise you're hand... we're all too shy for
that... but just think if what I ask applies to you.
First question: How many of you find that when you
close your eyes and get a picture of Josh, that he's
always smiling in that picture? And how many of you
find that when you see him smiling, you can't help but
smile too?
Second question: How many have found over the past
few days that you have a song of Josh's going through
your head -- maybe a few of his songs -- and you just
can't shake it?
And third: How many of you feel that in some way you
are a better person for having known Josh... or that
you're inspired to be a better person -- even if it's
something as simple as being a bit kinder to a stranger?
I'll bet that almost all of you responded positively
to all three questions and would have raised your hands
if we were doing so.
So then what have we established about Josh's legacy?
We've established that although he was here for far
too short a time, knowing Josh has left us all with
a smile on our lips, a song in our heart, and we are
better humans for having known him.
And if there's a better epitaph than that, I don't
know what it is.
Thank you.
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